


Adult Life is So Goddamn Weird

by ThatNerdyMonbebe



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Anthology, Comedy, Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Psychological Horror, Slice of Life, and by that i mean the ahs definition of an anthology, but like...its brief lol, crack humor, occasional sarcastic narration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:26:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21577537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatNerdyMonbebe/pseuds/ThatNerdyMonbebe
Summary: Minhyuk is on the lam, Jooheon and Changkyun need a nap, Hyungwon tests the fire alarms, Hoseok discovers the true meaning of madness, and Hyunwoo is a nurse now.Am I forgetting anything?Oh, Kihyun is knocked out with a cold, and what he doesn't know won't kill him... Hopefully.
Comments: 13
Kudos: 32





	1. Down With The Sickness

**Author's Note:**

> The common cold is a bitch. Point blank.

Life sucks and Kihyun wants to hurl himself into oncoming traffic. Well, he would -- if his body didn't feel like a lethargic pin cushion, that is.

He's been battling this damn cold for the past twenty-seven hours, and he's _pretty_ _sure_ it's almost gone, because he's going through the _worst_ of it right now. You know, the tender skin, achy muscles, body temperature that hovers around 38°C, but you still feel cold for whatever reason? Yeah, all that.

 _It should be smooth sailing by tomorrow_ \- he tells himself, trying to keep some shred of optimism, because, as Hyunwoo keeps saying, healing starts with a positive attitude!

"Positive attitude my ass." He grits through bared teeth, slamming the cabinet door shut with what strength he has left. He could probably, just barely, beat a mouse in an arm wrestling match with all that potential!

"Woah, calm down there," Hyunwoo frowned, "don't take it out on the cabinet because you can't reach the tea... It's mahogany." He said, ducking out of the way to avoid the dish towel being whipped at his head. Kihyun effectively losing his balance and stumbling into the countertop. 

"You okay there?" Hyunwoo asked, suppressing a chuckle.

"No..."

"Need help sitting down?"

"Yes, please." He sighed. Defeated.

Hyunwoo helped guide the achy man to an awaiting barstool. Kihyun wheezed out a 'thank you'. Great. He could feel a headache start to set in... Lovely. 

"Hyunwoo?" He rasped.

Hyunwoo hummed in response.

"Can you make me a cup of tea?"

Hyunwoo smiled and gently rubbed Kihyun's shoulders, the younger groaned in relief. He ached down to his bones, but Hyunwoo's warm hands were ebbing that pain away.

"Of course~" Hyunwoo said, rubbing a few more circles into his skin before turning around to head back to the kitchen. He wasn't expecting to see Changkyun sitting on the counter eating an apple.

"Y'all flirt like my parents on a tropical vacation." 

Hyunwoo jumped in surprise, "When did you get here?"

"Sometime between 'can you make me some tea uwu' and the homoerotic shoulder rub." Changkyun yawned. 

"Homoerotic!?" Kihyun balked.

"uwu?" Hyunwoo questioned.

"God, you really are like my parents..." 

Kihyun bristled, changing the topic, "Don't you have a bed to be sleeping in? It's your day off." 

"Meh, later," the youngest waved off, eating the last bite of his apple. "I'm going to get some fresh air at the park before crashing for the day, Vitamin D and fresh air and whatnot." 

"Are you sure?" Hyunwoo chimed in, concerned, "You look like you haven't slept in a week." 

"It's only been, like, four days," Changkyun said, counting either lazily, or tiredly on his fingers, "no biggie." He assured them, though it was anything but...

"And it's not like I'm going alone, I'm bringing Jooheon~"

And on queue, Jooheon walked into the kitchen donning a grey tracksuit that matched the color of his dark, under eye circles. He looked just as haggard as Changkyun, if not more, but Kihyun was too exhausted himself to point it out.

"I'm ready to go." Jooheon said. A bit too slurred for Kihyun to have peace of mind.

Yeah... scratch that. If he doesn't say something he may never sleep peacefully again. "Joo, when was the last time you got _at least_ five hours of sleep?" Kihyun asked.

"I don't know, what day is it?"

"Thursday." 

"Yeah..." 

This did nothing to ease Kihyun's worries.

"Okay, well, just be careful you guys..."

"Hell yeeeeeah!" Changkyun drawled as he grabbed Jooheon by the arm and pulled him out of the kitchen, "Let's go feed some ducks~" He said as they exited the dorm.

"You do realize they're horribly sleep deprived and are at a greater risk of doing something either mind-numbingly stupid...or, illegal, right?" Hyunwoo said.

Kihyun only rested his head on the cool surface of the small dinette table, "Just don't send the police my way." 

Hyunwoo chuckled and placed a steamy cup of chamomile by the younger man's head. Kihyun hadn't even notice he prepared it, god, was he out of it.

"Thanks." He croaked out, throat suddenly dry. _This better not be the beginning of a sore throat..._

Kihyun swallowed. 

_Oh, god damn it._

He took the warm mug into his hands and took a generous sip, the burning liquid providing relief as it flowed down his throat. That's more like it. 

Hyunwoo pulled out a chair next to him and took a seat, he was dangerously close to the seething cesspool of bacteria that is Yoo Kihyun.

"Could you move back a bit?" Kihyun covered his mouth, "You'll get sick." 

Hyunwoo paused for a moment to really consider what he had said, then- 

"Nah, I'll be fine." And despite that nagging voice in the back of his mind telling him this wasn't a great idea, Hyunwoo's actions made Kihyun... happy. They sat in a comfortable silence for a little bit; Kihyun sipping at his tea, feeling the chamomile work its magic while Hyunwoo watched on with a shy smile, the older occasionally helping him lift the mug when Kihyun's arm got too tired to hold its weight. 

Overall it was quiet. Peaceful.

And just like that, the peaceful silence was broken into a million tiny pieces.

"GOOD MORNING YOU LOVELY FUCKS!"

Minhyuk's screech echoed off the walls and Kihyun's skull. Kihyun groaned, holding his head in his hands as his migraine picked up in intensity.

"Can you please keep it down?" Hyunwoo shushed, "Ki's still sick."

Minhyuk bowed in apology, "Sorry!" He whispered, and repeated, "Good morning you lovely fucks!"

"It's noon." Kihyun grumbled.

"That's basically dawn." Hyungwon said, strolling in with a yawn, an energetic Hoseok following close behind. 

"See! Wonnie gets it!" 

"Stop. Shouting." Kihyun grit out.

"Aw, is Kihyun still sick?" Hoseok asked, voice full of sympathy, though it wasn't obvious considering he was currently rifling through the fridge, hips wiggling every once and a while. Kihyun was too tired to give a verbal answer, so he just rested his head back on the counter.

Hyunwoo gave the tragically sick man a gentle neck rub. Kihyun shivered at how cool his hand felt against his burning skin. He subconsciously leaned in to the older man, despite having said he didn't want to get him sick just minutes ago. He was a walking contradiction right now, but that's okay, he can just blame it on the cold.

"As a dog." Hyunwoo frowned. 

"Hm, well, looks like Kiki's caput today." Minhyuk huffed... As though Kihyun being extremely sick was inconveniencing him, "So I guess you can't go for a walk around town with me anymore." Oh...

Kihyun briefly remembers that was a thing he said he'd do...Last week. When he still had his health. 

"Maybe some other time, Min. Sorry." He croaked.

"I understaaaaand." Minhyuk said in a way that was anything but sincere, "Hyungwon-"

"No." 

"You didn't let me finish!" Minhyuk pouted.

"I'm busy today." Hyungwon simply replied.

"Oh?" Hoseok teased, "Another twelve hour nap day ahead of you?"

Hyungwon tsked, "Actually, I'm going to try my hand at baking." 

Everyone in the room collectively stopped what they were doing and gasped. 

"Like, the makeup kind, or the cooking kind?" Minhyuk asked, seeking out clarification.

"The cooking kind."

Another round of shocked gasps filled the room.

"Oh, come on! Is it really that hard to believe!?" Hyungwon huffed.

It was followed up by a resounding, "Yes!" and one: "Please don't burn the house down."

"Y'all suck." Hyungwon sighed. "Well, I'm heading off to the store for supplies to make the tastiest fucking cake you'll never get to taste. Later." Petty.

And with that, he grabbed his keys off the counter and left the crowd of nonbelievers behind.

Kihyun didn't want to admit it, but he hoped everything worked out well for Hyungwon... Damn, Kihyun must be sicker than he thought...

He tuned back in to Minhyuk, who wasn't giving up yet.

"Hoseokkie," Minhyuk leaned over the counter and batted his eyelashes, "do you want to go for a nice, peaceful stroll around the town with your favorite person?" 

"But Changkyun already left." 

Kihyun, quite literally, choked on his laughter. Hyunwoo had to firmly pat him on the back to get his breathing back in rhythm. 

Before Minhyuk could start a monologue on betrayal and the unending sadness that accompanies it, Hoseok continued, "And I already have plans today, sorry Min." He smiled sympathetically.

"What are you gonna do?" Minhyuk scoffed in mock hurt, "Pump iron and write music?"

"Yes, actually."

"Damn you, you creature of habit." He grumbled.

Kihyun had decided that he couldn't take another second of Minhyuk's insistent whining, and promptly rose to his feet to head back to his room; hopefully the older man's booming voice wouldn't follow him down the hall. Unfortunately, his leg strength was basically nonexistent, and he stumbled the second he stood up. _Fortunately_ , Hyunwoo's reflexes were faster. He hoisted Kihyun up by the waist before his life had a chance to flash before his eyes.

"You okay?" Hyunwoo frantically asked.

"Never better." Kihyun stuttered. 

"So, can I put you down now?" 

Kihyun shifted his weight a bit and determined that would be a decision with awful consequences. 

"Not yet..." 

"Get a room!" Minhyuk gagged. _Right, him and Hoseok are still here..._

"Annnnd that's enough of that," Hoseok said, pushing Minhyuk out of the room, "go burn off that energy you overgrown puppy. Get well soon, Ki!" 

For some reason, setting Minhyuk out into the world with no supervision sent an eerie chill up Kihyun's spine, but now isn't the time to think about what mayhem the man could potentially cause.

"Can you help me back to my room?" Kihyun asked, body in such a disarray he nearly begged, "The muscles in my legs feel like they're about to melt off."

"I could give you a piggyback ride instead?" 

"God yes." 

•~•~•~•~•

Kihyun was dropped into bed with the utmost care and grace. Really. That statement isn't even rooted in sarcasm - Kihyun genuinely felt cared for. Which isn't as awkward of a feeling as he thought it be, what with Kihyun usually playing the role of caretaker ten times out of ten; it was a nice change if he was being honest.

Though, Hyunwoo burying him under four blankets felt a bit...much. 

"Hyunwoo..." Kihyun muffled from beneath the mass, "I don't think all this is necessary." Hyunwoo frowned.

"But it's chilly in here..." God, Kihyun couldn't argue with that pout. So he sighed and let Hyunwoo tuck him in one more blanket. He looked content, and that alone made Kihyun feel warm. His heart, not bodily temperature - that would be bad, all things considered...

"Thanks for taking care of me, you really didn't have to." Kihyun rasped.

Hyunwoo frowned once more, "But I wanted to." Oh great, now his bodily temperature _was_ rising... At least he could blame the heat flooding his cheeks on the fever.

"I think you're all set," Hyunwoo placed his hand against Kihyun's forehead and grinned. "You're feeling a little better already!" Kihyun would swat at his hand if it wasn't firmly tucked to his side. So he just huffed, too flustered to admit he enjoyed the gesture. 

"I guess I'll leave you to rest now."

Now it was Kihyun's turn to frown as he watched Hyunwoo turn to leave. He didn't want to be alone right now, especially when Hyunwoo's been taking such great care of him. But he knew asking Hyunwoo to stay wasn't right, this was his day off too; why would he want to spend it with someone who was sick out of their mind, it was selfish... But Kihyun supposes he could blame that on the cold too.

"Hey, Woo?" 

Hyunwoo stopped in the doorway and turned to look at the younger. 

"Can you maybe... stay with me?" Kihyun stammered, "Just in case I need help... or something." He backtracked. Even in his sickly haze, Kihyun still held onto an ounce of timidness.

"Of course." Hyunwoo smiled so wide his eyes turned to crescents. He closed the door and walked back to where Kihyun was engulfed in a mountain of blankets and added himself to the pile. 

Kihyun chuckled dryly, "Stop, you'll get sick, dummy!" 

"Bed's not big enough," Hyunwoo simply says. Kihyun struggles to recall where in that he said ' _join me in bed!'_ He isn't about to complain though. "Are you comfy?"

Kihyun burrowed himself deeper in sea of blankets to hide his blush, "Yeah..."

"Then it'll be worth it." Hyunwoo proclaimed. Kihyun's breath hitched... Probably just his mucus-blocked airways, "Besides, I got my flu shot and this fortress of bedding will protect me from any stray germs." 

Kihyun couldn't really argue with Hyunwoo on that, not when he felt so tired, yet so secure, in that moment. He found himself slowly drifting off to sleep. 


	2. The Marvelous Misadventures of Minhyuk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If there's anything Minhyuk learned today, it's to never leave home without his wallet.

Unbelievable.

The one day Minhyuk _actually_ wants to leave the house and enjoy some of that fresh, Seoul air is the one where everyone is _busy_. Rude. 

It's bad enough the Tom to his Jerry is horribly ill, but now he has to find out the maknaes booked it early, his two best friends actually have plans, and his fearless leader is preoccupied with being hopelessly whipped. 

Minhyuk concludes today was going to be boring, but at least the sun's still shining. Minhyuk threw his hands up and soaked in the sunshine, absorbing the warming rays like he was a walking solar panel. 

As the birds chirp around his head and the soft meowing of the neighborhood cats fill the air with their original soundtrack, Minhyuk starts to think his lone venture might not be as unfortunate as he made it out to be. 

It really is a beautiful day out. It's nearing the end of summer, if the slight chill that hung in the air was any indicator; if he squinted he could even see small specks of orange and red decorate the nearby leaves. It's a soothing atmosphere, Kihyun would've enjoyed it... _if he wasn't sick as fuck_ , Minhyuk thinks. But he smirks knowing he's probably cuddled up in Hyunwoo's arms. So, in the grand scheme of things, this was all according to plan... took long enough.

Minhyuk chuckles to himself and looks back up at the sky, nothing but blue skies and fluffy clouds. Maybe today would be a good one after all.

His newfound cheery disposition carries his feet to a small playground. On an off day, the guys would come down here and play on the equipment, pretend like they don't have a fast-paced, time consuming job. It took some of the stress away, in a fun, child-like manner.

Minhyuk rounded the final corner and the playground came into view, only there was something different about it this time. On the sidewalk by the large, open entrance, was a humble looking lemonade stand with two young girls occupying it. He locked eyes with them and they gave a shy wave. The girls looked so sweet and adorable in front of the giant pile of cups and pitchers full of lemonade, Minhyuk just had to say hi.

"Good afternoon, ladies. What are you selling?" Minhyuk asked in that sweet, high-pitched voice reserved for talking to anyone a minute younger than him.

The girls hid their smiles and giggles behind their hands. "Lemonade, silly!" The shortest stated, she looked to be no older than eleven.

"One cup is just 500 Won." The older, probably twelve, batted her eyelashes, already pouring him a cup. Oh, this kid is good. 

"Well, I can't say no, now, can I?" Minhyuk chuckled as the girl pushed the cup forward.

"Nope!" Minhyuk can see these girls being excellent business women one day...

He brought the cup to his lips and took a small sip - half afraid it was going to be completely undrinkable, but to his surprise it was delicious! Not too sour, not too sweet; it was a tad powdery, it was obviously instant lemonade, but Minhyuk wasn't about to nitpick a refreshing drink. 

"This is very good! You two must have worked very hard." Minhyuk praised their efforts, giving a thumbs up to show his appreciation.

Their sweet smiles turned to unamused scowls, "Yeah, it was backbreaking. Pay up, mister." Well, _that_ was a total 180 if he's ever seen one. 

Minhyuk was caught a little off guard, "Right..." He patted around his coat pocket for his wallet. Okay, not there... He patted his front and back pant pocket and - yup. Not there. He could feel a could sweat form on his neck. The girls were looking at him with unimpressed expressions.

He forgot his wallet. 

_Let's not panic._ He told himself, _Just calmly explain you don't have money, but still reassure them you'll be back in five minutes max with the cash!_

He did. 

And they weren't having it. At. All.

"What a sorry excuse for an adult you are. Taking advantage of the kindness of two little girls. You're pathetic." The oldest spit. Um, _ouch_?

"No! It's not like that! I'll be right back and-!"

"You think we're stupid?" The younger nudged the other. "This baldy thinks we're stupid." 

_BALDY?_ Minhyuk instinctively threw his hands to his head to protect his hair follicles from the verbal abuse.

"Really! I'll be right back, I promise!" Minhyuk stammered in attempt to defend his honor. 

The girls stomped forward from behind their little table and marched right up to Minhyuk. 

"Give us the money or we make a scene." The youngest threatened. Oh god. _Oh no._

"It'll just take five minutes-"

"THIS OLD MAN IS TRYING TO STEAL FROM US!" They shrieked in perfect unison. Several passerby look to see what's going on, and every alarm bell in Minhyuk's head starts ringing at once. The only thing he can think to do in this situation is _run_. And run he _did_.

Minhyuk, however, wasn't expecting the girls to abandon post and _chase him down the street like he was a wild dog._ Why were they so _fast_!

"Get back here you thief!" 

"You can run, but you can't hide!" 

Their taunts acting as live ammunition that damaged the hell out of Minhyuk's mental state.

Why did they have to be so _mean_!?

This is officially the worst, most mortifying day Minhyuk has ever had. He's being hunted for sport by two money-hungry little business children - and if Minhyuk's being perfectly honest, this is the most terrified he's ever been. 

Minhyuk screamed aloud in pure distress. But he's sure it only served in fueling their rage even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things to note:
> 
> 1.) This is so much more fun if you imagine the girls as Popuko and Pipimi from Pop Team Epic.
> 
> 2.) This is inspired by a real event I witnessed.
> 
> IN THE NEXT CHAPTER:  
> "I don't know man, he looks like an Ernie to me."


	3. I've Got Two Sleep Deprived Idiots And a Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do you get when two sleepy, sleepy boys go to the park with pockets full of raisins? Horrible decisions, that's what.

"Have you ever been so tired you just...hear colors?" Changkyun yawned, trying his best to keep one foot in front of the other so he wouldn't faceplant on the pavement.

"Hell yeah, man. See the green on that grass?" Jooheon pointed over yonder to a stretch of what was clearly artificial turf, but he wasn't awake enough to differentiate. "They are _screaming_ 'abolish capitalism'." 

"Pretty sure everything green is saying the same thing."

These two should have never been allowed to leave the house. Together, they were sporting no more than five hours of sleep over the past few days; and a combined total of two functioning brain cells. It's a miracle neither of them have passed out from exhaustion yet. 

But despite all of that, the rapper duo decided why should they sleep when they both have free time and desperately need it, when there is a whole public park to explore! It seemed like a _perfectly_ _sound_ idea... to them. Besides, they just wanted to have some fresh air after days of being holed up in their respective studios, and heaven knows they'll just be right back at it again after this short break is over. 

_"We just gotta enjoy it! Go bird watching while we can! Yolo, right!?" Jooheon had said just hours earlier._

_"Damn man, you're right." Changkyun hazily replied._

Which brings them here. At a shockingly empty public park, laying in the grass, feeding raisins to some very enthusiastic ducks. 

"He looks like a Jensen." Changkyun hand fed one of the ducks, not concerned in the slightest that wild animals were practically in his lap.

"Jensen Quackles." Jooheon offhandedly supplied, one of the ducks squawked at him.

"See, not even they like your outdated jokes." 

"Please don't bully me in front of the children." 

"I am so sorry you had to hear that, Jensen." He fed the unbothered waterfowl another raisin. Jensen must have had enough because he flapped his wings and headed back towards the lake. Changkyun playfully whined, "Look what you've done."

"Jensen! Come back! It won't happen again!" Jooheon pouted, but alas...

Jooheon flopped back on the grass in defeat. Changkyun chuckled and threw a handful of raisins on his pouty hyung and watched as the ducks communed around him to peck at the tiny morsels. Jooheon accepted the new attention with open arms. And quite literally, he spread out his arms to beckon the fowls closer.

"This is nice." Jooheon groaned contently, "I can lay here all da-aghhhhhh!" He choked on a stray raisin Changkyun had thrown.

"Oops, sorry." He didn't sound sorry in the slightest. Jooheon plucked a raisin from the grass, aimed and fired it right at Changkyun's forehead.

"Why must you expose the children to such senseless violence?" Changkyun deadpanned.

Jooheon only blows a raspberry and rolls to the side to toss more raisins to the crowd - when he sees a lone duck sitting off to the side. It looked like it wanted to join in on the fun with his feathery peers, but would take a step back whenever it stepped forward to try and participate. It ultimately resigned itself to the sidelines where it sat back in the shade of an overhanging tree branch. It was the saddest sight Jooheon had ever seen and it struck a chord deep in his heart.

Jooheon reached back and tugged at Changkyun sleeve.

"Dude, look at that duck over there." 

Changkyun frowned, "Why is he all alone?" The youngest got on his hands and knees and crawled towards the duck in question, slowly, so he wouldn't scare the poor baby away; Jooheon followed closely behind. These two were very fortunate no one was here to witness this...concerning... sequence of events.

"Hey there, little buddy. You hungry?" Changkyun cooed as he closed in; the duck turned its head at the sound and took a wary step back - to which Changkyun held a handful of raisins out for it to take. The duck waddled up with an air of caution and accepted the offering. 

"Oh no, he's so cute~" Jooheon was all heart eyes for the display before him, he just wanted to reach out and pet the feathery baby. 

So he did.

And to both of their surprise, the duck _let him_.

"Holy shiiiiiiiiiiiit!" They whisper-screamed. The duck was not at all perturbed by that, and the duo felt even more at awe.

"I think I love him." Changkyun confessed, the duck quacked in what Changkyun believed to be a response. You can bet they continued to lose it.

"Kyun, man, he's so perfect! I wish we could bring him homeeeee!" Jooheon cutely whined.

"You know we can't do that." Changkyun puffed out his cheeks and opened another box of raisins; this boy was hungry!

A lightbulb seemed to go off, Jooheon's tired eyes widened in a stroke of genius. "Not without naming him first!" 

And this backwords logic seemed to make _perfect_ sense to the equally tired Changkyun, "You're right!" There was a total of one brain cell bouncing around right now, and it belonged to the half-eaten box of raisins.

"How about Ernie?" Changkyun suggested.

"Ernie?"

"I don't know man, he looks like an Ernie to me." He reasoned.

That seemed like enough for Jooheon, "Where's your Bert, Ernie?" Ernie only tilted his head to the side. The two grown men 'awwed' with genuine heartbreak, "Kyunnie, he really is all alone!" 

Changkyun looked into those bright, duck-y eyes, and felt his last ounce of common sense shrivel up and die. "That's it, you're coming home with us, Ernie!" Jooheon threw his hands up and cheered, Ernie wiggled his tail feathers. Everything was going _so_ great right now.

Changkyun scooped Ernie up in his arms with no problem. In fact, they'd say Ernie enjoyed being held; judging by how he nuzzled into the maknae's chest, but these two were too out of it to question, well... anything.

"Let's go home, buddy!" Jooheon cheered, "You're gonna love the other guys! And the bathtub; its a deep soaker!" He rambled, "Oh, Minnie is gonna love you the most-" He paused for a second when the sudden, disembodied shrill scream filled the air, but he shrugged it off, "Hyunwoo-hyung might wanna eat you... But don't worry, we won't let that happen!" Ernie quacked. 

"Bro, I think he loves us!" Changkyun stage whispered. 

"This is the best idea we've ever had!" Jooheon said with too much enthusiasm, and waaaaay too much seriousness.

And with that, the duo made their way back home. The ridiculousness of the situation not dawning on them for a single moment of the journey.

_Heaven_ _help_ _them_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> usually when I write a story, I extensively plan out each thing that happens - down to the most miniscule detail. but with this chapter here, I decided to be true to Joo & Kyun's characterization and just let pure chaos direct its course! I may or may not have written this in one caffeine-driven go at 3am. I did NOT proofread this chapter. LET'S GO- 
> 
> also, like........don't try to pet wild ducks. okay? okay. 
> 
> IN THE NEXT CHAPTER:   
> Hoseok discovers the true meaning of madness.


	4. Part 4.0: You Can (Not) Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life just be like that sometimes.

Call Hoseok crazy, but his idea of a good day off doesn't deviate too far from his regular schedule. Maybe it's that Pisces nature of his taking the reins, but Hoseok needed structure, otherwise his skin would start to crawl right off his body.

Which brought him to their humble in-home gym for step one in his Grand Day Off Schedule. Yes, that's what he calls it. And yes, it's written out in glitter pen on his calendar.

Hoseok set his drink, phone, and towel atop the speaker system that doubles as a table in the limited space and set out to start his stretches, but something caught his eye before he had a chance to.

He crossed the gym towards the shoulder press and examined it closely, he frowned; something was definitely off. It was sitting at an odd angle. Hoseok put one hand on the press and felt the machine tilt almost completely to one side; its structural stability was dangerously off! _How the hell did that happen?_

There's no way he could use it in this condition, hell, it was _swaying_ on its own! How is that even _possible_!? You know what? Minhyuk is probably the answer. Hoseok decides it would be best for his sanity if he didn't think about it too much.

Hoseok huffs, this certainly threw off his routine. Luckily, though, he doesn't _need_ the machine to do his shoulder reps... But it made the process a lot easier. He supposes he could pull out those twenty pound weights and double up on reps to yield the same results... Hoseok clapped his hands together, because yep! Sounds like a plan! He gave the shoulder press a firm pat, a promise to fix it and use it in the future, then moved to the storage closet directly next to the machine; where his kettle bells and other miscellaneous workout tools were stored. 

And, boy, did he hate this closet. First off, the door opened outwards and it always managed to hit something (usually his foot) when he opened it. I'm addition, it was so small - there wasn't even a light in there, Hoseok was quite literally forced to squish himself inside and fumble in the dark for his equipment. Hoseok really wished he could go back in time and _not_ move these weights so far back in this narrow closet, god, his shoulders are scraping the walls -- who even _designed_ this place? He could hardly breathe, it was so cramped and stuffy.

Entirely unbeknownst to him at the time, the equipment was teetering side-to-side dangerously; like a palm tree in the wind. Just as Hoseok had managed to squeeze his body in the last inch needed to reach the weights, the structure tipped completely on its side... Scratching against the wall and eventually the closet door on the way down, closing it in the process, and ultimately sealing Hoseok's fate along with it. 

Hoseok wasn't sure what happened first -- the loud crashing sound of the equipment, or the sudden pitch-black darkness, but one thing was for certain:

"Oh, I'm fucked, aren't I...?" 

Hoseok turned around the best he could in the limited space and pushes against the door with all his might; it wouldn't budge. _Great._

"Hey, Hyunwoo!? Kihyun!? Anyone!?" Hoseok yelled at the top of his lungs, punctuating each cry for a help with a bang to the door.

"HEEEEEEEELP!" 

He waited.

And waited...

And waited until fifteen minutes passed and his throat hurt from screaming. He thumped his head against the door, he's trapped. In a closet. What was this? Middle school? This royally sucks. 

Wait a minute, Hoseok realized. _I'm such an idiot! I can just call someone!_ He pat down his pockets looking for his phone...and then he realized he left it on the speaker system...

"Oh wow, I'm a bigger idiot than I thought." 

Hoseok took a deep, shuddering breath and maneuvered to sit against the sealed door, thumping the back of his head against the wooden slab. He briefly wondered if he could kick it in, but the one thing about this god forsaken closet that wasn't a major design flaw _was_ the door. Solid mahogany. He'd break his foot before he'd break the goddamn door, and that's _not_ something Hoseok needed in his life right now. So, no way out...Annnnd now he's panicking. Great. 

"Calm down, me... They'll realize you're gone sooner or later...you never miss your nightly Maknae Pestering. They'll come looking-." Hoseok paused once he realized he was talking to himself.

"HEEEEEEELP!" He tried again in a brief moment of hysteria. Nothing. Hoseok couldn't help but laugh to himself, "I'm going to lose my mind in here!" His laughter reverberated off the walls, the echo of it felt amplified in the small space, but it did nothing to sober him. 

Eventually, Hoseok wore himself out. He felt drained mentally and emotionally. Hoseok needed a recuperating nap...well, he guesses he could take one while he's trapped here...

•~•~•~•~•

The trapped man's eyes fluttered open, and the only thing he felt then was disoriented.

Hoseok couldn't tell how long he was asleep for -- if he was asleep at all, but when he opened his eyes he was greeted by a darkness that surrounded him like an eerie fog. He could have sworn he smelled the stench of burning bread drift through his nostrils like an unwavering maelstrom; overwhelming and strong. Hoseok's head spun as he forced his eyes to focus on the nothingness that covered his being like a blanket, if he focused hard enough he could see reality start to swirl around him. 

All of Hoseok's senses were overstimulated, yet, not stimulated _enough_. The walls pressing into his shoulder being the only thing to ground him in this moment...Moments. How many of those have actually passed? How long has his soul been forced to sit and wait out this unexpected sentence. 

It's within this cocktail of dark nonexistence and putrid burn where Hoseok finds himself being lulled into another sleep-like state.

It's within this purgatory Hoseok finds rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is the reason for the psychological horror tag lol
> 
> hahahaha I miss Wonho :)))))))
> 
> IN THE NEXT CHAPTER:  
> 8 reasons why doubling up on baking powder is a bad idea!


	5. It's A Piece of Cake To Bake A Pretty Cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He should have done the cooking by the book.

_Don't burn the house down._

The fucking _nerve_ of that disease-ridden toddler.

Just because Hyungwon has no experience whatsoever in the kitchen, _doesn't_ mean he'll light the place up like a bonfire the second he flips on the oven. 

_I may be a bit clumsy, but I'm certainly not a walking natural disaster!_ He thinks, nearly ramming his shopping cart into a display of cereal boxes. Well, that was a close one! If he _was_ a walking natural disaster, there'd be Cheerios blanketing the floor, but no. In fact, Hyungwon was able to find all the ingredients to the greatest chocolate cake that has yet to be made, and leave the store without further incident -- Take that, Hamster Boy.

Hyungwon wanting to branch out into a different hobby wasn't by any means _new_ , well, maybe to him, at least. If he's being honest, Kihyun and Minhyuk's last cooking live got him thinking about trying something in the realm of culinary arts, and what a better place to find more inspiration than the good ol' cooking channel?

Hyungwon spent weeks watching episode after episode of various shows, but the baking ones stood out to him the most. Cooking a meal? That was cool and all, but it was nothing compared to what some of these people could do with cake and other various desserts! He wanted to try that! Maybe not on such a grand scale...yet. But where's a better place to start than with a simple sheet cake? 

Back at home, he lined up all the ingredients on the kitchen counter, and struggled to find all the necessary bowls, pans, and measuring utensils. God, Hyungwon does _not_ know his way around this kitchen... Apparently, no one bought measuring spoons when they moved into this dorm, but that's okay, Hyungwon's watched Cake Boss - he's a professional. He can just use your everyday teaspoon for measuring; it can't be that different, can it?

_Wait, how many of these would equal a tablespoon...? I'll cross that bridge when I get to it._

He pulled up the recipe and went down the list comparing it to what's in front of him and - yup, he had a feeling he forgot something. Baking soda... After scouring the kitchen in hopes of finding a box of the stuff already in stock -- and finding nothing -- Hyungwon decides he doesn't need it.

_Hm, I could probably double up on baking powder... Yeah. That sounds workable._

"Okay, let's get started!" 

He grabbed the large mixing bowl from the pile of stuff - it may have been a bit too big, but work with what you got, right? Then he pulled all the dry ingredients forward to start prepping them.

Hyungwon hummed a little tune as he measured and poured in two cups of sugar, then immediately halted at the flour step. One and three fourths cups of the stuff... This measuring cup doesn't measure fourths... 

_Calm down. Recall your math skills. Three fourths is just a little more than half, so..._

Hyungwon gingerly shook the bag of sugar until it filled the cup up past (but not _that_ far past) the one and a half marker. Pretty damn precise if you ask him, yes sir. He preceded to do that very method with the cocoa powder and came to the conclusion he might be a baking genius. Next up was the baking powder, all three cups of it. The mound doesn't look too out of place, so hopefully this doesn't affect the taste too much. And last, but not least, a teaspoon of salt. Hyungwon retrieves one of the spoons reserved for stirring sugar in their coffees when they actually have time to enjoy it. Its a lot smaller than he remembered, he wonders if it'll be enough. Hyungwon spoons in the salt and squints in thought at the dry mix before him. 

_No. Something feels off._

He adds another spoonful of salt and instantly feels content.

_On to the wet stuff!_

Now, the recipe _says_ to add wet ingredients in one at a time while the electric mixer is running on medium, but they don't own one... so... Hyungwon guesses he can just dump one thing in at a time and stir moderately fast? He kind of loathes the idea, but if it earns him some tasty cake, muscle definition, and look of disbelief from Kihyun; then Hyungwon is all for it. 

Needless to say, the process was a lot more taxing then he'd care to admit. He's tired and his arm hurts, but boy is it gonna be worth it when he pops this baby in the...oven... Hyungwon forgot to preheat the oven. 

_Ugh, alright. I'll just...heat the oven now, throw it in, and adjust the cooking time._

And that's exactly what he did. Hyungwon figured that if it took ten minutes for the oven to heat to three hundred fifty degrees, then he could put the cake in now and add the about ten to twelve minutes onto the thirty-five minute bake time... Yep, those calculations check out! 

Hyungwon set the cake in the oven and set the timer for forty-seven minutes, before bumping it up to forty-eight, because he did not like how uneven of a wait time that was; then abandoned the kitchen to watch TV in the meantime. He'll worry about the mess only after he lathers that sheet of cake in frosting and consumes the fruits of his labor -- well, in this case, the cake of his labor.

He sits his tired self down in front of the TV and opens up Netflix to resume a series he'd been indulging himself in. He sighs looking at the timestamp of the next episode. Fifty-five minutes. Hyungwon shrugged and hit play. He'll just pause it when he hears the alarm go off.

•••••

He did not hear the alarm go off. 

In fact, he was five minutes into the following episode - cake long forgotten, when the horrid smell of something burning filled his nostrils, and- 

"FUCK." 

Hyungwon leapt from the couch and slid across the wooden floors on his race to the kitchen, where he was met with the sight of a small flame flickering behind the glass of the oven.

_Nope! That hamster will not be right today!_

In a move that can only be described as "pure spite", Hyungwon grabbed the oven mitts and yanked the horribly burnt cake from the confines of that blasted hot-box.

Removing the cake, however, caused the flame to unexpectedly grow in intensity. Hyungwon was now staring down the metaphorical barrel of a loaded gun, only the barrel was the uncomfortable heat of a fire, and the gun was a goddamn chocolate cake. He could feel his eyebrows and small scraggly chin hairs that he's been too lazy to shave start to singe away. On reflex, he threw the cake in the empty sink, letting the consequences of his actions sink in along with it.

Hyungwon looked at the growing flame in disbelief, because wow, he did the one thing he adamantly said he _wasn't_ going to do. He's starting to remember why he sticks to gaming and napping... Hyungwon mentally notes that they should _really_ get their fire alarms checked, because this confectionery abomination is smoking up a storm and those things are doing the exact opposite of alarming.

The sound of the front door slamming open and shut pulled Hyungwon out of his mental tangent.

"Yooooo, is that a fire?" 

Hyungwon looked up and was met with the dazed eyes of their maknae duo and-

"Is that a fucking duck?" 

Hyungwon was baffled, there was an actual living duck nestled in Changkyun's arms!

"Shhhh," Jooheon drawled, covering the ducks...head, "Don't swear in front of Ernie! He's just a young teen that has _no_ business hearing that kind of language yet!"

Hyungwon blinked.

"My apologies, allow me to ask another question: are you _drunk_!?"

The pair burst into a fit of giggles, "Of course not!" Changkyun said. "We can't just get plastered in the middle of the day, we're idols, duuuuuuh!" The way they both crinkled their noses in laughter perfectly highlighted the dark circles under their eyes, made Hyungwon realize the two are probably running on the fumes of whatever adrenaline rush they got from stealing a _duck_.

But before he could comment on the absurdity of it all, the sounds of socked feet frantically padding from across the dorm broke that thought -- an out-of-breath of Hyunwoo was soon standing at the kitchen's entry way. His eyes moving back and forth from the fire that was still burning in the sink and Ernie with an unreadable expression, that wasn't out of character for Hyunwoo by any means, but given the current circumstances... 

Hyungwon prepared himself for the worst.

"WHAT THE FU-!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you ever look at your blank word document then all of a sudden your eyes glaze over and you black out? Then when you come to, that same word doc is full of actually comprehensible words?? That's what writing this chapter was like.
> 
> this was my favorite chapter to write, but I was NOT about writing out all these numbers into....words......
> 
> I wrote this two weeks before Ki and Hyungwon's messy cook cook and uhhhhhhh I just love the timing of this lmao
> 
> IN THE NEXT CHAPTER:  
> How utterly whipped can one man be?


	6. There's A Lot To Unpack Here, Let's Just Throw Out The Whole Suitcase

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyunwoo needs more vacation days.

There was something about seeing Kihyun so sick that made Hyunwoo feel so... lost. 

If Hyunwoo is the one that holds them all together, Kihyun is the engine that keeps them moving; and in Hyunwoo's case, the one that keeps him standing and ready to take on what ever comes their way. Now Hyunwoo's support system was sick beyond belief and he felt, to reiterate, lost.

Not to throw in the fact that it was hard to witness this pillar of strength look so vulnerable. Kihyun couldn't even reach for the tea bags sitting on the bottom shelf of their lowest cabinet without groaning in pain! He looked absolutely defeated, not something Hyunwoo ever wants to see on him.

Hyunwoo needs to keep the atmosphere light and happy! Too bad his attempts at trying to get a laugh from the younger earned a near swat to the head with a dish towel. Hyunwoo wasn't really great at this "cheering up" thing....

Hyunwoo internally screamed. He felt it was his job, as leader, to help Kihyun through this nasty cold, but he was so... awkward at being caring? That much was apparent when he scrambled to pull a stumbling Kihyun into his arms. What? He could have fallen! 

In that moment, with an out of breath Kihyun clinging tightly to his shirt, Hyunwoo decided he was going to force himself to push past his layer of awkwardness, and be the leader and friend Kihyun deserves!

Not even the playful teasing from the other guys will deter him from completing his self-assigned mission! So when Kihyun tiredly asks him to help him to bed, Hyunwoo was overjoyed! 

Was the piggyback ride to bed too extravagant? Depends on who you ask.

Was taking it upon himself to tuck Kihyun in and leave water by his bedside a little too much? Nope!

Was adding the _massive_ pile of blankets excessive? Most certainly, but Hyunwoo didn't care. Okay, maybe he was a bit paranoid he was overstepping his boundaries and was starting to come off as annoying... But all those fears were washed away when Kihyun asked him to stay.

Hyunwoo (very gently) plopped himself on top of Kihyun and made himself at home. Why? Hyunwoo wasn't sure either, but it was comfortable! He rested his head on Kihyun's blanket-clad chest and listened to the man slowly drift off to sleep. Kihyun's nose must've been blocked to hell and back because he was breathing through his mouth quite loudly, and whatever air _was_ coming out of his nose was escaping with a low whistle. Hyunwoo would call him cute if he didn't know he was suffering. Oh! Kihyun just made a little snot bubble... maybe he was kind of adorable...

Despite the seeping feeling of total contentment, Hyunwoo was hesitant to join him in a peaceful afternoon slumber. He didn't want to fall asleep just yet - what if Kihyun needed help? He could hardly lift a mug earlier... nor barely move his feet, what if he needed to pee or something!?

A loud thud followed by a series of smaller ones pulled Hyunwoo out of his long mental list of things that could possibly go wrong, he raised his head to zero in on the sound. It seemed like it was coming from the gym? Hyunwoo shrugged and made himself comfortable again - Hoseok was probably putting that old punching bag to work.

Whatever it was, the low repetition of the thumping mixed with the rise and fall of Kihyun's chest was soothing.

Hyunwoo hadn't realize he had dozed off until he felt Kihyun stir beneath him. Hyunwoo raised his head and examined the younger's face, he was still fast asleep, but he was looking a lot less flushed. Hyunwoo placed his hand on Kihyun's forehead and smiled - his temperature feels a lot better too, that's good! 

Just as Hyunwoo was about to take his hand off his face, Kihyun leaned into the touch and mumbled cutely in his sleep. It took all the combined willpower in Hyunwoo's body _not_ to verbally coo. He gingerly stroked Kihyun's cheek before returning to his sprawled out position. Would it be selfish to say this is turning out to be a nice day off? Because he feels kinda bad that it had to be at Kihyun's expense. Before Hyunwoo could question his morals too much, Kihyun wiggled an arm out of fortress of blankets and wrapped it around Hyunwoo's shoulder and cuddled him closer, mumbling something about a giant teddy bear. 

_Cute..._ Maybe... it wouldn't hurt to be a little selfish and fall asleep like this... again...

But the overwhelming scent of smoke currently flooding his senses had other plans for him. 

Hyunwoo carefully dislodged himself from the comfortable haven he was currently residing, and then proceeded to bolt like a bat out of hell towards the source of the stench. Hyunwoo power walked down the halls of the dorm muttering 'please don't be a fire' under his breath repeatedly. Hyunwoo was not mentally prepared enough for the scene of pure chaos he landed himself in.

Fire... There is a fire in the sink. And is that a duck!? Okay, it just quacked - that is _definitely_ a duck. Why is there a _duck_ in the _kitchen_!? Hyunwoo feels like he's about to have an aneurysm... He left them unattended for no longer than two hours...how did this happen!?

Hyunwoo took a deep, grounding breath, before eloquently asking:

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN HERE!?" He whisper-yelled, because god help them all if Kihyun woke up to all of _this_. 

"I burned the cake." Hyungwon said...looking like a ghost of his former self...

"We got a new roommate!" Jooheon grinned ear-to-ear.

"His name is Ernie, you can't eat him." Changkyun hugged the duck closer, and the duck just...let him. No time to assess that.

Hyunwoo didn't have time to assess _any_ of this, because not even a _minute_ _later_ Minhyuk came barreling through the front door, immediately barricaded himself against it - the sound of rapid knocking following soon after. 

"What the-"

"Quick! Grab my wallet before they break the door down and rip my knee caps out with their teeth!" Minhyuk screeched far too loud for Hyunwoo's liking. He was out of breath and sweating like a fountain, but that didn't stop him from stating the obvious, "That is a duck..."

"It sure is, man!" Changkyun drawled, "so uhhhh, what the fudge goes on?" 

"Fudge?" 

"He's just a baby, Min. Yes fudge! Answer the question, bro."

Minhyuk blanked, all color draining from his face. "I didn't close the lobby door fast enough and they followed the scent of fear through the stairwell..."

"Haha, that was vague." Jooheon chuckled.

Hyunwoo felt like he was going to faint. The only way this could possibly get any worse is if Kihyun walked in and-

"What the actual hell is going on here?" A raspy, angry, irritated voice gritted out; and Hyunwoo could have swore he felt his heart fall right out of his ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was hell to write because it was mostly fluff, and idk how to writing anything that isn't batshit chaos, BUT I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> IN THE NEXT CHAPTER:  
> The thrilling conclusion!


	7. Clusterfuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or should I say: Clusterduck?

Fire.

Waterfowl. 

And whatever ravenous beast was behind the door Minhyuk was currently barricading himself against. 

Kihyun would start yelling profanities at his friends' inane behavior if his throat wasn't completely shot right now, so, he resorted to gritting his teeth in annoyance; he'll let that be an issue for his dentist later.

"What the actual hell happened here?" Kihyun menacingly rasped out, directed to all but Hyunwoo - who looked about as shellshocked as Kihyun felt.

"Baking wasn't as good of an idea as I thought it would be..."

"Ernie needed friends and a place to crash, he can't pay rent."

"CHILDREN. EVIL. WALLET. GIMME." 

They all said at once. Their poor explanations blended into one big clusterfuck of sound that pounded at Kihyun's migraine-ridden cranium like a hammer.

"One at a time, you idiots." 

Hyungwon spoke first, "My cake burned...badly..."

"We have a new roommate now!" Jooheon yawned, leaning against Changkyun for stability. Always a _great_ sign...

"SATAN'S HIGHEST RANKING OPERATIVES WANT MY BLOOD!" 

"Minhyuk..." Hyunwoo pleaded, rubbing his hands over his tired eyes. He felt like he just aged forty years.

Minhyuk sighed and laid down his sins for all to see, "I bought some lemonade from a lemonade stand run by these two girls, only I didn't actually _buy_ the lemonade because I forgot my wallet, and they were _not happy about that at all_. I told them I'd be back with the cash, but that was like poking a sleeping bear with a stick! They started yelling at me! I was scared, so I ran! And they hunted me like I was some kind of pathetic game animal - no offense, Ernie! Now, if you could just give. me. my. wallet - I can solve this!" He said in one breath. The young rappers applauded once he finished.

"Three hours. I was out for three hours-" 

"It was only an hour and a half..." Hyunwoo - bless his soul - nervously pipped up.

"My. Point." Kihyun nearly growled, but immediately regretted it once Hyunwoo flinched back. "Sorry, Woo, this isn't on you." Kihyun weakly raised a finger at the messy quartet, "It's on _them_." 

Despite the protest Kihyun's legs were putting up, he marched his way through the kitchen and shoved Hyungwon out of the way, then turned on the sink faucet to extinguish the burning cake - he made sure to shoot the tall man a death glare in the process.

After taking care of _that_ , Kihyun snatched up Minhyuk's wallet that was sitting right in the middle of the dinette - that fool - and plucked all the bills from it; a nice one-hundred thousand Won. Then he hesitantly pulled the duck...Ernie... From the whiny maknae's arms (It was strange how pliant this bird was... But Kihyun wasn't about to think about that right now.) and staggered over to the rumbling front door. 

"Move." Kihyun simply said. Minhyuk wasn't about to argue with a man who looked like death himself. But he _was_ going to complain about how much of _his_ money Kihyun was handing out.

"Don't you think that's little _much_!?" 

"You lost your right to complain when you crawled back home with angry children nipping at your heels." 

A collective _"damn"_ filled the air, courtesy the second youngest. Kihyun was not one to be messed with, especially in times like these. Minhyuk threw his hands up and backed away slowly, not wanting to irritate him further. 

Kihyun cleared his throat, plastered on the biggest fake smile he could muster, and swung open the door. The girls ceased their knocking just in time to narrowly avoid punching him in the stomach. They took a step back, arms crossed, fully prepared to glare Kihyun into his grave, but also trying _really_ _hard_ not to stare at the living, breathing duck sitting in his arms. Before they could open their mouths to give this new man a piece of their minds, Kihyun handed them fifty thousand Won from the stack.

"Here. Fifty thousand. This should be more than enough to make up for the _injustice_ my friend has caused you." 

"HEY-" Everyone ignored Minhyuk.

The girls stared wide-eyed at the amount, but he wasn't finished yet.

"I'll throw in an extra fifty thousand if you take this duck-"

"HIS NAME IS ERNIE!"

Sigh. "-if you take Ernie back to the park." 

"Deal!" They said with zero hesitation. They made the cash-duck exchange, then the girls went on their merry way, giggling with each step they took.

"Remember to stream Alligator by Monsta X!" Kihyun added before he quietly shut the door and turned to face the other men with a blank expression.

"That took all of two minutes to handle. Now, let's continue this conversation in the living room." Even in a display of sickness Kihyun still demanded their attention, they felt obligated to follow their wobbly friend.

"Okay," Kihyun said as he lowered himself onto their less-than-comfy armchair, staring down the four wannabe children in front of him. Hyunwoo stood behind him with his arms crossed in an attempt to come off as authoritative, despite being completely lost as to how any of this came about, all while feeling _very_ thankful that he wasn't in the line of sight of that killing glare. "What have we all learned on this fine Thursday afternoon?" 

The four squirmed uncomfortably in their seats. Kihyun tapped his foot weakly on the wooden floor, showing that is patience was waning.

Minhyuk was the first to speak up, "Never leave home without my wallet..." He grumbled.

"M'hmm." 

"Don't do anything in the kitchen without supervision..." Hyungwon added.

"And never forget it."

"No building emotional attachments to wild animals." Changkyun pouted.

"Well...no?" Kihyun said, puzzled as to how to answer that, "Try again." 

"No making life-changing decisions while horribly sleep deprived?" Jooheon supplied.

"That's more like it." Kihyun sighed and melted back into the seat, tension leaving his body having resolved whatever the hell all that was. "Now, unless Hoseok wants to come out here and tell us he fried all the dorm's computers... I think I'll take my leave."

They all paused for a second expecting exactly that to happen, because life had chosen to prove itself to be pretty goddamn weird today, but thankfully for Kihyun's sanity, nothing did. He breathed out a sigh of relief before tilting his head to look up at Hyunwoo.

"Hyung, can you please carry me back to my room? My thighs melted off." 

Hyunwoo grinned ear to ear and lifted the man bridal style and started making his way back to Kihyun's room. The older man muttered a "Please, I'm begging you, just behave." directed at the quartet on the way out.

After a pregnant pause Hyungwon clapped his hands together, grabbing the attention of the other three men.

"So...are we going to talk about _that_?" He gestured to where those two made their dramatic exit, hoping for a yes, because god, could he go for some gossip to distract from his utter failure.

"I want to talk about how these two domesticated a duck." Minhyuk pat the two youngest on their backs, startling them into a more alert state.

"He was just a good boy, nothing else to say." Changkyun said with a forlorn look on his face. "How I miss my feathery son." 

"He really was." Jooheon pouted, "can we go visit Ernie sometime?" He batted his eyelashes at Minhyuk.

"Can we!?" Changkyun threw his arms around Hyungwon and made a noise that was somewhere between a whine and a yawn, "Hoseokkie didn't even get to met him!"

"Speaking of Hoseok, what do you think he's up to righ-"

The sound of inane, raucous laughter put an abrupt end to Jooheon's question. They all jolted at the sound of it.

"W-what was that?" Jooheon stuttered.

Minhyuk shakily stood up as another round of the distressing sound filtered through the open air; he trained his ears on it the best he could. "I think it's coming from the gym?" He said, albeit, unsure.

They cautiously followed the laughter and made their way to the gym. None of them were quite sure what they'd see when they cracked open the door, but a toppled workout machine accompanied by horribly scratched wall was not one of them, several loud thumps coming from the closet the machine laid dormant in front of. This immediately sent them into a panic.

"Hoseok!?" Minhyuk called out. The thumping ceased.

"So, you've finally come for me? Death, you bastard, I shake my fist at thee! If you want my soul you best be ready to face me in a noble match of fisticuffs!" 

They all a exchanged worried glance, "Don't worry, hyung, we'll get you out of there!" Jooheon yelled.

"Just you try it, you ghastly fiend!" 

The boys got to work on moving the machine. And when your lifting crew is comprised of two sleep deprived boys, a guy with minimal arm strength, and a Hyungwon... The process was slow and tedious, but they got the mass of metal moved! 

Miraculously, the door knob wasn't knocked off during the fall, so all they had to do was crack the door open. The second a fraction of light breached the darkness behind that unforgiving mahogany, Hoseok hissed. He crawled out of the abyss with look of seriousness that was soon overridden with something more wild.

"Ye dare release me from the confines of the very hell thou hast trapped my earthly body to? Dost thou wish to finally confront the beast that was forced to devolve under the harsh, unforgiving blanket of darkness that robbed me of mine third eye!? I bite my thumb at thy cowardice-" Hoseok's psychotic break was interrupted by Hyungwon slapping the unhinged man across the face; manually restarting him, so to speak.

Hoseok clutched his cheek and blinked a few times. The haze that surrounded his vision evaporated, leaving him to see the array of concerned faces of his younger members. He took a look around at the scratched wall and dented shoulder press, he shook his head.

"Wha-...what happened?" Hoseok asked.

"I think you lost your mind and tried to fight god." Jooheon answered. That poor summary seemed to be enough for his mildly distressed hyung.

"Yeah...yeah, okay." Hoseok sighed, "I think I'm going to take a shower and go turn in for the evening..." He walked out of the room with heavy steps.

"But it's only two o' clock!" Minhyuk said.

"Good night..." 

A long pause followed soon after, each one of the guys trying to wrap their minds around _that_. 

"Crazy Hoseok is kinda hot, not gonna lie." Changkyun spoke up, earning him several shoves from his hyungs.

"Okay, bed time for the boys." Hyungwon sighed, pushing Changkyun and Jooheon out of the gym and towards a room with a bed in it, any bed would do at this point. They ended up in Changkyun and Minhyuk's shared room, the sleepy boys curled around each other the second they hit the bed. Hyungwon chuckled and draped them in a warm blanket.

Switching off the light, Hyungwon exited the room with a small huff, "It's so hard being a single father." 

"A single father who can't cook." Minhyuk threw an arm around him.

"I will shovel soggy, burnt cake into your mouth, lemonade thief." 

"First of all, ouch. Second of all, gross. How 'bout we just play Overwatch instead, yeah?" 

Hyungwon rolled his eyes and let the hyper man pull him to the living room.

•••••

With the maknae duo and the designated dads of the group finally down for their nap, Hoseok quietly recalling his afternoon, and Hyungwon and Minhyuk occupied with gaming; it was safe to say normalcy has been restored to the dorm. 

How long that would last, though, is anyone's guess. After all, this was just another day in the Monsta X household. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we have reached the end of this crazy journey, folks! this was so much fun to write, thank you so much for reading! 
> 
> I started writing this before everything with Wonho happened, and, like, this served as a great coping mechanism!!


End file.
